i can, without a doubt, say that my mind has never once stopped thinking. which is why, when i ask what people what are thinking about and they say “nothing”, i assume they are lying. there’s just no way that they aren’t thinking about anything. i mean, sometimes i say i’m thinking about nothing when i’m asked, but that’s only because I’m too embarrassed to say what I’m really thinking about. i.e., did I really turn off the straightener?–even though I am staring at a picture I took of the unoccupied electrical outlets (yes. i do that.) or. what if i forget to renew my passport before our not-yet-planned overseas trip circa 2021 when my old one expires?
i’m sure you’re thinking, whoa dude, go get some anxiety pills. or, maybe you were thinking nothing, and it is just me thinking that you are thinking that. but, a few years ago, i did just that. it went like this:
i scheduled the appointment–but i remained wary, because in the back of my mind, i assumed the doctor wouldn’t prescribe them for me because i was over-exaggerating my anxiety. LOL, i wish. instead, after describing my thought process, my cute little asian doctor–who has never met me– instantly replies, “ooooohh… mosss peeple, dey take dem for year, few year. you, you take lifetime.” she then proceeds to play 21 Questions with me about which anxiety medicine i want–like, really? are you trying to make me even more anxious by telling me about side effects of x, y, and z and asking if i want generic or not? just pick one for me dammit!
nevertheless, even though i hate taking medicine (I prefer my BFFL, Cabernet), i started taking them….which lasted a whopping month or two. ironically, i had to stop taking them because i was too anxious that i would become addicted to the anxiety pills for the rest of my life, and if i ever got stuck on a desert island and couldn’t get them refilled, then what would happen?
thus i resigned to living with the millions of thoughts of zero importance that go through my head daily. and while i really have been doing better, last week, the bonafide freak in me made an appearance. if I had told the cute little asian doctor how i felt, she probably would have injected a month’s worth of pills into my veins on the spot. instead, i cashed in on the massages we got for christmas at Urbana Wellness Spa.
Turns out, it was the perfect remedy. when we arrived, we were offered tea and invited to lounge on their plush sofas (with Bon Appetit to read) until our massages. I was handed an iPad to fill out my massage preferences–oh hellooooo, firm touch with no talking to me. Then, because we did a couples massage, we got hot stones added on for free. a-ma-zing. It was one of the best massages of my life, and the massage therapists (and receptionist) were some of the nicest and friendliest I’ve ever had. i truly felt like a new person after.
i will say though, that despite its perfection, there still wasn’t a solitary second of the massage that i wasn’t thinking about something. this time though, it was good things–like pondering (and planning out) our future together, and how happy we will be (with or without my self-diagnosed disease of the day). i just knew that michael had thought these same cute thoughts, so i asked him what he thought about during it.
to which he replied, “nothing”.