Cat Scratch Fever

i woke up with a fever. the weird part was that i didn’t feel sick. at first i thought i was just convincing myself i didn’t feel bad because it’s a friday–and i would never allow myself to be sick on a friday. I’ve built my immune system up to only get sick on Tuesdays or Wednesdays. but then i realized that my fever wasn’t an actual fever due to an infection, but Cat Scratch Fever. As you all know, the Panthers play the Seahawks tomorrow at 8:15 pm. If you don’t know this, then you suck at life and should be penanced by spending 8 hours at the Social Security office followed by 8 hours at the DMV only to forget a form at each.


The thing is, my friends and I are struggling for a place to watch it. We really aren’t picky. Our only requirements are:

  1.  massive quantities of massive flat screens
  2.  the perfect table–you know, one where everyone can perfectly see yet still talk to each other.
  3. great food–not too nice, not too shitty. large portions, bold flavors.
  4. cheap libations- where good draughts and strong cocktails are on special.
  5. fun crowd- gotta have the crowd into it. but is has to be the right mix of people. i’ll leave it at that.
  6. the right atmosphere: since it’s winter, we aren’t requiring the retractable garage doors. however, this does include, but is not limited to, that it doesn’t smell like butt-f***. there is nothing worse than the smell of a bar kitchen–the steamy water they use to “clean” dishes with a mix of last night’s bar residue is enough to vomit before the first round of fireball shots. it literally haunts my dreams.

    So, now that we have all of that cleared up, does anyone have a suggestion? The closest we have come is Draught–but it falls short with the cheap libations requirement. We spent close to a dowry last time we went for dinner, so an afternoon and night of games would surely cost about the same as it would cost to buy all of India. Debatable. 

    But whether we find this perfect place or not, the most important thing is a Panther win. My ways to do so are as follows:

    1) Have Kelvin Benjamin soak his hands in a honey and syrup mixture for the next 24 hours.
    50/50 whether he catches this one…
    Go Panthers!

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